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Idle.

Yes I know, I’m back!

Here’s a great explanation to why I haven’t blogged: because I was too busy trying to make myself look good on the post. I have 10 half finished drafts on wordpress waiting to be posted, which includes also my lesson learnt from 2013 T.T I’m ashamed really.

But no matter… lesson learnt, and I am back! 

Will be posting my drafts in a few days time. Don’t be surprised if you find “lesson learnt from 2013” posted in the third month of 2014 keke

Cheers!

 

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Yesterday morning (eeearly morning, as in 2AM), I was awaken by the constant buzz of my phone. Annoyed and simply couldn’t find any way to get back to sleep, I decided to wake up and check what the racket was about. Long story short, I found out that the buzzes were my friends who were informing that I was accepted as participant of Young Leaders for Indonesia McKinsey ! 

There is no way to describe just how grateful I am to be one out of the 60 chosen delegates. It’s amazing what reputation the program has and the impact its given towards our society. The thought of me finally getting to contribute directly towards a better Indonesia gets me really excited! 🙂 But that brings me to a  series of worries.

Firstly, you should probably know that the program runs for 6 months:

  • 3 forums held in Jakarta on late April, early July and late September 2013
  • Between the first and second forum, we are entitled to do an individual project that contributes to our own environment (~2 months)
  • Between the second and third forum, delegates are split into groups and are to do a bigger project with a bigger impact (~3 months)

The one great thing about the program is that delegates receive a big scholarship that covers all costs of the program, so financial needs are all settled. Secondly and most importantly, THE BOARDS AND SPEAKERS ARE AMAZING! From politicians and ambassadors, to company CEOs. Amongst them are Anies Baswedan, Sandiago Uno, HE Dinno Patti Djalal and Gita Wirjawan. In short, the program is awesome!!

But… back to my worries. So there are a couple of things that hovers on my mind:

  • I’m currently having that inferior syndrome. I know and I’m sure that my 59 new friends are aaawesome and dedicated, which makes me feel so nervous since we have to do speeches and discussions and stuff
  • I’m not sure what to do for my individual projeeect. I’ve got ideas but i feel nervouuusss
  • I have to give up not doing UGM’s academic obligation of doing community service, and postpone it til’ next semster 😐

But then again, creating changes for a better future is never easy. And nevertheless I am 100% sure that I will gain sooooo much experience and have great coaches to overcome all those obstacles 🙂

I am ready to contribute and unleash Indonesia!

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Over the past year I have immersed myself in an environment so different from my own. “Living outside my comfort zone”, as adviced by so many people. It has been a wonderful experience, meeting with incredible-famous-prominent people, befriend such caring and intelligent students, falling in love with a great and nice but very different man… ah, don’t know what else.

During the time I was “away”, my attitude to those in my original environment changed. I am truly ashamed to say that I became some sort of a stuck-up snob: fought with two of my best friends, became distant with the general society, became careless with academic matters, you name it. It wasn’t until a week ago that I realized how much was missed. My heart decided then was the perfect time to head home. The moment I silently declared myself back in Psychology, I was warmly embraced by my best friends, professors, seniors, juniors, even by work! I have forgotten how amazing home can be. I feel ever so grateful for everyone who received me the way they did even after the great mess. Thank you :’)

Now, I am fully recharged. Most importantly, I’ve learned a great lesson: there’s no place like home 😉  

The great lesson is learnt, and I am ready to climb-up again, this time without forgetting where I began, came from and belong

Yogyakarta, June 28 2012 [11:01]

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These past few weeks I have encountered the word “moving on” so many times that it dawned me that it might just another be another fever, just like the word “galau” in Indonesian. A teenager thing ye know… :p

Well anyway, that’s not the point. Thing is, because of the redundant usage of the so-called-word, my not so humble but very curious mind started thinking of what it really meant and what people do in its implementation. Does moving on mean starting a new life and forgetting everything that occured in the past? or does it mean moving on is an act of being patient and sort of rubbing it all in until the sadness and anger of rejection or whatever dissapears by itself?

I have done a not very scientific observation on this “issue” and found several ways of coping strategies when people feel hopeless. The first is what I call “Just let it hurt as hell”. When something bad happens, people with this type tend to let themsleves get to the amplitude of their emotions and absorb all the pain: feeling ashamed of what they did, or crying themselves out because of a rejection or whatever. They tend to be masochistic and think that the faster they sink in what’s happening (though it hurts as hell) and let out all their emotions, the faster their acceptance. To people dealing with this type of person, it is sure not pretty. They get really petty and annoying. Letting out emotion sometimes mean confronting the person they’re having problems with and negotiating or asking for further explanation to what happened between them. In the end people of this type finish their problems thoroughly. To them, moving on is looking back and seeing that whatever happened in the past is just another story of life. Usually, they tend to laugh and make jokes about it; not being ashamed of whatever. To them the past is a high school teacher you learn from but can laugh about; someone you have to acknowledge whether or not you like it.

On the other hand, I’ve found people who perceive “moving on” as “nothing happened in the past”. This cluster tends to shut their memories down — sometimes consciously, other times consciously depending on a person’s personality and defense mechanism strategy. In psychology, this is known as either denial or repression. The good thing about it is you forget your problems in the blink of an eye. The downside is that in the long run, the repressed feelings or memories will come back. Worst, they come back at a very wrong moment. I had a friend who just started dating when all of a sudden he backed out the new relationship because the emerge of (unwnted) repressed memories of an ex girlfriend. Like “WHAT??”. So yeah, denying and repressing is a shortcut to heal a broken heart, but it only holds for so long.

I know, I know. I’m siding. As a (future) psychologist, that is not the right thing to do. But personally, as a human being who falls and gets hurt, shutting down the past is not an option. Whether or not you acknowledge the past, it’s always going to be part of be; be there with your every step; influence all your decisions. As confunscious would say: Study the past, if you would divine the future. 

 

 

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because I’m here to make it all better…

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So take lots of pictures laugh a lot, freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend in need, fall asleep watching the sun comes up, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.”

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